Diwali, Celebrates The Return,

 Diwali, Celebrates The Return,

But My Father didn't...

Everyone around me seems to be so happy and cheerful these days and to be frank, I am very jealous of seeing them celebrating and getting all ready with those beautiful dresses and decking themselves with good jewelry, greeting their friends and family. 

There was a time when I used to do all these things, 

my family used to do all these things, it was just me, my brother and my parents!

I belong to a middle-class family where my parents worked to raise me and my brother. We live in a normal 2bhk house with some cracked over roofs and few uneven tiles with no furniture, just a normal house. 

My father was running an automobile shop, in a rented shop, with just one small fan where the sun would exactly face him through the whole afternoon. But he still, never once said that he feels hot or he is uncomfortable about working at the shop. He owed Bajaj LML scooter which was like a Mercedes to him and till 10th July 2020 he used it and we still have it. 

My mother does tuition so that she can lend financial help to my father and he does not feel a burden of raising a family alone, in other words, she was leading the role of  "The MAN OF THE FAMILY". Do you know why she was able to lead this role?

It's because my father trusted her, he loved her, he knew she was the real Laxmi of the house, rather than the one painted or carved over the stone. He knew she was the real Saraswati who knew how to educate her child and prepare the family for the future, he knew she was as fierce as Durga and as calm as Parvati.

I never seek empowerment, because he made sure I have access to each and every opportunity regardless of my gender, and the same goes for my brother. I was never tied in restrictions of when to leave and when to come back to the house, with whom to talk, whom I should befriend or anything, instead, he always wanted me to get an experience, he wanted me to learn about the people and the world, about the business and the job, about my passion and profession, and most importantly he wanted me to grow as a person, as a human who is filled with a lot of life experiences so that I can pass them to my future generation.

I don't know about every family but I consider my family to be an extraordinary family because we all have goals in our life and we were equally determined to be supportive to each other no matter what!

We all would wake up early by 5:00 am, knowing each other's daily schedules, we would help with the household chores, family breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It was like my father would make the morning tea for me and himself, coffee for my mother, he would cook Poha or Upma for breakfast, or sometimes he would make my favorite bread toasted on a grilled pan with ghee and salt. Since we all were working me and my father would cook chapatti, I would roll and he would cook, where I would count how many chapattis would go perfect fluffy, talking about in and outs of our life, while from next corner my mother would shout/complain about how unorganized we were about placing stuff at their place. By the time everything is cooked, my father would fill up our tiffins and water bottles, then he would drop me at the bus stop and pick up in the evening and that's how our routine followed with a good evening together eating dinner.

Though we didn't have the luxury, we were happy because we were together. Our relatives were just a familiar guest who once in a while would throw a smile if by chance we met somewhere because our relatives only appreciate or welcome only rich relatives. 

Anyway, This note is not about how I lived or how I felt, it's about thanking and apologizing to my dad who is no more beside me, and whom I admire the most.

I am sorry, for being late to not avail you of those luxuries we dreamed of.

I am sorry I could not create a castle where I wanted you to be the king.

 I am sorry I could not provide you those retirement days for which you worked hard without taking any Saturdays and Sundays. 

Thank you, Pappa, for making me the person you wanted me to be.

Thank you, for believing me and having faith in me,

Thank you, for cheering me up when I failed.

Thank you, for letting me know, that I can run when I do not feel okay, and coming back when I am really ready to face.

Thank you, for not asking me to change according to society.

Thank you, for telling me divorce is normal and being 28 too.

There are so many things I am thankful for, I wished if you could have stayed a little longer I would have turned all your dreams true.

Today I have everything on this Diwali, but I do not have you! And this fact really tears me apart each and every second. I want to give up on everything and want to come to you, but I know I cant!

I know that it's not only me, who has lost a loved one, there are many like me. I want to take a moment to mourn the loss of all the families who lost their loved ones due to Covid or Suicides, I know they all have gone too soon, but one of my friend Alisha Jivani said that this year god has picked the best flowers for his garden.

 I consider all of them to be the real gem that god was envied that we had them.

At last,  

I sincerely want to apologize to the families of the deceased. We all are together, I hope you all get strong with each passing day.  Please accept my condolences. 

My father was my and still, he is and he will be my superhero. 

Pappa, I hope you are seeing us from above and I want you to be happier now than you were with us.

Note: Dear Instagramers/Bloggers, these Diwali people do not want to know how to get ready or how to celebrate, what sweets to eat, or where to get pampered, because it makes us feel bad to see people like you enjoying and not knowing how does a loss feel. 

Due to COVID, we have lost many people, this Diwali can we support them by bringing a little smile on their face, asking them to get a little braver because we are all together in this.